totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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