You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
