Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
