YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
