Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
