Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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