Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
