A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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