i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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