Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize