I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
