god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
