I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
