i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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