i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Welp...herpes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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