I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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