What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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