And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
