Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
