I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
