dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
