i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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