Buhtt sex?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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