i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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