Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
