I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
