It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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