fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
