I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
