I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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