you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
