you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
