When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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