yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
