I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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