man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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