btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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