they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
