So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
