How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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