I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
