if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
