Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
