we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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