Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
