I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
