capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
