***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
