i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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