You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
