I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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