i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
