nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im six kinds of drunk right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
